thank you all for your kind words i PROMISE i am doing okay now. i love you all in a very parasocial and insane way (i'm kidding, ofc. don't do parasocial relationships kids it'll ruin your life)

i can feel my depression coming back. i know you guys don't care but my god it's getting harder and harder to wake up in the mornings! i feel like no matter what i do, i try so fucking hard to be a good person to people, and i mean, it's not like i'm expecting to be rewarded, but at the very fucking least i'd like people to treat me with the same amount of respect i try to give everyone else.

i feel like no matter how much i try, i'll always manage to hurt someone. ill always manage to upset someone. ill get my boundaries fucking stomped to death. people will leave me. why am i so fucking toxic why cant i make people happy???? why do i get so fucking upset whenever someone tells me i've hurt them? aren't i supposed to be the bigger person and do whatevber i can to fix it??? WHY CANT I FUCKING FIX IT??? WHY DOES IT ALWAYS FUCKING HAPPEN??

i feel like ill never be fucking good enough for anyone. even on twitter, most of the following i got from posting newgrounds shit have already unfollowed me. they've found other artists who post better shit. i try not to let it get to me, but people who i thought i considered friends have unfollowed me. do you know how much that fucking hurts me?? like, do my feelings just not fucking matter to anyone? it feels like anytime i fucking let people know how i feel, everyone just fucking jumps me with "well what about ME????? what about how I fucking feel?? god lana you're such a selfish fucking whore, why haven't you killed yourself already?" and then everyone fucking wonders why i never tell anyone my fucking feelings, everyone wonders why i blow up so much on social media, everyone wonders, nobody ever thinks.

my feelings dont fucking matter. everyone in my life has made that fucking clear. ill just shut the fuck up about it! and then when i go missing you'll all cry for me and could've would've should've blah blah fucking blah. ill just be another fucking statistic. but that's okay. the world would be better without me anyways. all i do is fucking hurt people. that's all i do. i was put on this earth to serve others. to help people, to be their comforter, their shoulder to cry on whenever they're sad, to be their guardian angel. i can't even FUCKING DO THAT right. can you believe it? the ONE THING i was meant to do, i can't even do right. i exist only to solve other peoples fucvking problems and yet i fucking absolutely fail at that. i'm only just a servant, i was supposed to be the answer to all their fucking problems!!! i was supposed to save them from depression!!!

i'm just fucking rambling a t this point. my head fucking hurts from being a bitch and crying so much. i don't even know why im crying. im such a fucking toxic person, i dont even know how i have friends. i don't know how i have a partner that puts up with so much of my shit. i was born with pure fucking bile in my veins, no matter how much i try to reverse it, or make myself pure, it'll always remain. ill always have that fucking bile within me.

(april fool)

SO TONIGHT MY FAMILY'S CAR BURST INTO FUCKING FLAMES.

I MAY NEED TO HELP MY FAMILY OUT WITH TRYING TO GET A NEW CAR BECAUSE THIS ONE IS COMPLETELY FUCKED. KAPUT. FINITO.

I WILL LET YOU ALL KNOW ONCE I GET SOMETHING LIKE THAT SET UP.

WHAT A FUCKING NIGHT, MAN.

as much as i'd like to be, i'm not really the greatest at compiling my thoughts in a proper and consise manner, so i'm not the greatest at big speeches, but i'm gonna try, because yall deserve it. :)

so... this year was pretty insane in terms of my growth as an artist. i hit 1,000 followers on my twitter pretty quickly after getting into newgrounds content. i never thought i'd reach 1000 followers... at all! i've made so many friends and fans here, every single one of them i'm grateful for. thank you all so much for enjoying my work. i put so much love and work into my art and it feels so good having people who see that...

i want to give a huge shoutout to my friends, and people who i think are just really cool.

@itsreddqueen

you're so cool and funny to be around!! i'm so happy we're friends <3 you're also an amazing voice actor!! i hope you and pod-chan go even farther next year!!!

@stradomyre

the most chill, easy-going artist you'll ever meet. so talented and deserves everything coming his way! you should give yourself more credit buddy, because you're definitely gifted. thank you for being so cool and becoming my friend <3

my little friend group, @Pickle578 , @MarvelousToastbrand , @IndieFlower , @spazgunk , @SlickRamen , @chipollo , @kastozx and everyone else (i'm not sure if they have ng but talon and karma)

thank you all for being my friend. you are all wonderful people and i luv you all lots!!!! all talented, kind people <3

my boyfriend, @CrabboardBox (yes he has a very, very old never used ng LOL)

the love of my life, my reason to get up in the morning, my dearest <3 thank you for another year of being so wonderful and kind to me, i love you lots <3

cool people like @The-Swain , @Luis , @Krinkels , @ninjamuffin99 for being super chill and chatting with me on occasion, you guys rule as well!!!!

god, i have so many people i wanna thank. just... anyone reading this, thank you <3 thank you for either following me, or giving me any sort of attention. i appreciate it more than you could ever know.

let's make 2022 a good year together!!!!!

(plus also thank u @CarterSterling and @TomFulp for making me an icon mod yaaay~)

LANADOODLES NATION RISE THE FUCK UP!!!

THANK U FOR MAKING ME USER OF THE DAY!!! THANKS TO TOM TOO @TomFulp ALSO THNX FOR THE FOLLOW!!

THANK YOU FOR GIFTING ME SUPPORTER!!! ;; AAA IF THERE'S ANYTHING I CAN DO FOR U FEEL FREE TO MESSAGE ME HERE!!

who likes tf2 + metal gear and wants to be twitter and/or newgrounds mutuals <3

hi guys,

so i might lose my house lol. thankfully i have places i can stay but i'm terrified.

i'll keep people updated on the situation, but that's why i havent done much lately.

i love you guys